Returned (many hours ago, before my mind decided to break down completely,) from our town’s Girl Scout Encampment weekend. I was the lifeguard. I was trained specifically for this event. I passed me training course, despite a few odds, and knew me stuff.
And I was terrified.
People were giving me their children and saying, “Here! Stick them in the water!”
It was the first time that I had even been entrusted with so many little lives. Now, I realize that in the grand scheme of things, this was not huge. I had, at the most, twelve girls in the water, with leaders spotting from the shore (council policy).
I had a little speech prepared for the girls, introducing myself, telling them the boundaries, the rules, how to call for help, what to do if the whistle is blown, and so on. But I had Daisies—kindergarteners—in the water. Sometimes, at the same time as 6th graders. Little people, big people, mixed together—and then boats—people were going out in boats, and they needed lifejackets, and they didn’t know how to put them on properly, and I had to do that, and leaders wanted to know if they could just have the lifejacket in the canoe with them—why would that be okay? If your craft tips over and you get hit on the head, you’re not going to be able to put on that lifejacket, you’re going to fill with water. And I’m the land guard. Am I going to get a kayak from the lodge, take it out, get you? By council policy, I don’t have to. My job is to watch the kids at the waterfront. But would I? I would try. So you, my leader friends, are going to put on the damn lifejacket and stop asking stupid questions.
The fear abated over the course of the day, except for the boating madness. The camp we were using had a wonderful backboard and rescue tubes, both of which I hoped to not have to use. Especially the board. I didn’t have anyone else trained in boarding with me—I suppose I would have maintained c-spine until EMS arrived and foregone the board altogether. I did, however, strap my sister to it to show her how it worked and what everything was for. I will be calling the council to let them know that I was impressed by their supplies for guarding. Not everywhere is so prepared.
On a slightly lesser note, I had to treat one injury the whole weekend—my own. I was sharpening s’more sticks (oh yes, I’m quite the good little Scout) and was telling one girl how to use a knife safely. Started to cut off a nub on one stick for her to use, and proceeded to slice my index finer open, about 1 in long, not too deep, on my serrated rescue knife. Ran through two campsites to mine, where I stopped the bleeding (took a bit longer than I expected, worried me a little) and bandaged it. Mostly a “dumb Mariah” story, but still.
And, not relevant to this weekend, but today I had a series of small breakdowns, the last of which ended with me looking at my EMT textbook and thinking, “How can I be expected to help other people if I’m such a disaster myself?” I won’t go into details about what my “disaster” is, because it’s irrelevant, but it’s an interesting question. I’ve been in an out of therapy for almost two years, for a variety of reasons—I’m not one to hide that. I’m not “mentally ill,” at least, I’m not labeled as such. I’m assuming that confidence will come with training.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
26 May, 2009. 11:02 PM.
I just returned from my first EMT training class at Boston University. Terrified of parking and getting there on time, I left an hour and a half early. After much shouting and panicking madly, I got there. Found the room. Sat down. We began. Classroom filled, and then overfilled. There are close to 100 people in the class, so they split us into two rooms. Logistical issues were sorted out. Paperwork began. Immunization records (turns out that it’s okay that I’m not immune to Hep B), consent, waivers, things like that. Oh, the joys of being about to sign my own forms.
Real class started around 8:30 (class began at 6, goes until 10). Went over “What is EMS? What does it do? General overviews.” Textbooks and workbooks are on our desks. Verb tense is constantly changing. I played the EMS name game with Christine, one of our instructors, who apparently met Vince at some skills competition thing last year. Also, met a boy in Matt’s year, and asked him to be my partner.
So, the people in the class. ALL PRE-MED. I might be the only university student there who is not pre-med. There are a few “firefighter-wannabes” (to quote Matt), the police-equivalents (the instructors make fun of both groups), a few who have the TV illusion of EMS, and one who was referred to as “nasal Narcan guy,” because in the intros, he mentioned wanting to be able to administer it. I felt special because I didn't have to ask what it was. Thanks, Vince!
Real job starts next week, in the meantime, substitute teaching. Waking up at 6 or so in the morning and getting home around 11 = fun times.
Quote of the night: “[Individual] is taking all sorts of tactical EMS classes, where he’s learning to intubate himself in the dark while putting in an IV.” --Christine
Real class started around 8:30 (class began at 6, goes until 10). Went over “What is EMS? What does it do? General overviews.” Textbooks and workbooks are on our desks. Verb tense is constantly changing. I played the EMS name game with Christine, one of our instructors, who apparently met Vince at some skills competition thing last year. Also, met a boy in Matt’s year, and asked him to be my partner.
So, the people in the class. ALL PRE-MED. I might be the only university student there who is not pre-med. There are a few “firefighter-wannabes” (to quote Matt), the police-equivalents (the instructors make fun of both groups), a few who have the TV illusion of EMS, and one who was referred to as “nasal Narcan guy,” because in the intros, he mentioned wanting to be able to administer it. I felt special because I didn't have to ask what it was. Thanks, Vince!
Real job starts next week, in the meantime, substitute teaching. Waking up at 6 or so in the morning and getting home around 11 = fun times.
Quote of the night: “[Individual] is taking all sorts of tactical EMS classes, where he’s learning to intubate himself in the dark while putting in an IV.” --Christine
Sunday, May 17, 2009
17 May, 2009. 8:41 PM.
Commencement was today. Matt’s been on all of senior week, with the exception of two days, during which I took him home with me and we spent quality time together and ate not-Sherman food. It was quiet, mostly. One call, when he was not on call. Until Saturday, when there were a few more.
Last night, we were going to bed around 1:30 when to pager went off—he disappeared, I dreamed that it was 3:00 and he wasn’t back, he came back at 2:40, I was confused. We slept. He woke up at 6 so that he could go be on the commencement detail. I got up at 7:15, got dressed, went to mini-commencement, big commencement, and two more minis.
So, the BEMCo commencement detail is there not only to save lives, but to look good doing so. Class A uniforms for BEMCo are what regular uniforms are for ambulances—white shirt with badges, pants with many pockets and that little snap-thing to hold the shears in place. I stopped by and said hello to him and Dan and Paul and Kassie for a bit in between things.
After the detail was over, I went back to Matt’s room and when he got back from showering, he crashed for a few hours while I went to the creative arts mini. Also, note: Matt successfully showered not once, but twice while on call. And shaved (yay, no prickly on-call stubble)!
We’re done with my freshman year. Brandeis is closed to me until the fall. It was amazing. Posts this summer will most likely be on a weekly basis, and I predict them going from “Woohoo training is fantastic” to “Oh heck, why am I working full-time and training?”
Congrats to all those in the class of 2009!
Last night, we were going to bed around 1:30 when to pager went off—he disappeared, I dreamed that it was 3:00 and he wasn’t back, he came back at 2:40, I was confused. We slept. He woke up at 6 so that he could go be on the commencement detail. I got up at 7:15, got dressed, went to mini-commencement, big commencement, and two more minis.
So, the BEMCo commencement detail is there not only to save lives, but to look good doing so. Class A uniforms for BEMCo are what regular uniforms are for ambulances—white shirt with badges, pants with many pockets and that little snap-thing to hold the shears in place. I stopped by and said hello to him and Dan and Paul and Kassie for a bit in between things.
After the detail was over, I went back to Matt’s room and when he got back from showering, he crashed for a few hours while I went to the creative arts mini. Also, note: Matt successfully showered not once, but twice while on call. And shaved (yay, no prickly on-call stubble)!
We’re done with my freshman year. Brandeis is closed to me until the fall. It was amazing. Posts this summer will most likely be on a weekly basis, and I predict them going from “Woohoo training is fantastic” to “Oh heck, why am I working full-time and training?”
Congrats to all those in the class of 2009!
Friday, May 8, 2009
8 May, 2009. 1:04 PM.
Going home tomorrow. Freshman year is over. Done. Pulled an A- in my crazy math class. This year was amazing.
So, Matt was on call last night. Call came in at one point, during which we both laughed, mostly due to the fact that the pager had been set to “play a cute little tune to let you know there is an emergency.” I left to go do things, he met up with a group of us later. We proceeded to read out synopses of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” until about 4 in the morning.
Matt and I went back to his room, he worked for a while, might have fallen asleep on the floor, eventually made it over to the bed. Earlyish in the morning, I hear the pager going off—it’s faint, because he didn’t clip it to his collar like he usually does. I woke him up—we were both pretty exhausted and took a few seconds to get oriented. I went back to sleep and he came back an hour and a half later.
This was the first call that came in while we were both asleep. It’ll be a good thing to get used to now. It’s not horrible, just unsettling for a minute or so. But the real kicker is this: after Matt came back and went back to sleep, the fire alarm went off. I change into day clothes after asking if we can just stay there. As I’m leaving, I see that Matt is still in bed, curled up under the blanket. I step outside of his room and see uniformed people in the kitchen space, which is full of smoke and smells like burned something. Oh, the A3 kitchen.
I let Matt know and go outside, standing with a friend of mine. Soon after, I hear uneven footsteps and see Matt come down the stairs, secondary bag at his side, looking tired, for the obvious reasons. The alarm shut off, we went back inside and went on with our day.
I don’t want this year to be over. I’m packing my things and trying to use all of my dining points. I’m excited for the summer, though. I’m excited to start up again in the fall. To all of you in the area: talk to me (via more private communication) about getting together over the summer.
So, Matt was on call last night. Call came in at one point, during which we both laughed, mostly due to the fact that the pager had been set to “play a cute little tune to let you know there is an emergency.” I left to go do things, he met up with a group of us later. We proceeded to read out synopses of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” until about 4 in the morning.
Matt and I went back to his room, he worked for a while, might have fallen asleep on the floor, eventually made it over to the bed. Earlyish in the morning, I hear the pager going off—it’s faint, because he didn’t clip it to his collar like he usually does. I woke him up—we were both pretty exhausted and took a few seconds to get oriented. I went back to sleep and he came back an hour and a half later.
This was the first call that came in while we were both asleep. It’ll be a good thing to get used to now. It’s not horrible, just unsettling for a minute or so. But the real kicker is this: after Matt came back and went back to sleep, the fire alarm went off. I change into day clothes after asking if we can just stay there. As I’m leaving, I see that Matt is still in bed, curled up under the blanket. I step outside of his room and see uniformed people in the kitchen space, which is full of smoke and smells like burned something. Oh, the A3 kitchen.
I let Matt know and go outside, standing with a friend of mine. Soon after, I hear uneven footsteps and see Matt come down the stairs, secondary bag at his side, looking tired, for the obvious reasons. The alarm shut off, we went back inside and went on with our day.
I don’t want this year to be over. I’m packing my things and trying to use all of my dining points. I’m excited for the summer, though. I’m excited to start up again in the fall. To all of you in the area: talk to me (via more private communication) about getting together over the summer.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
6 May, 2009. 12:46 PM.
Life is good, finals are over for me. Staying at Brandeis until Saturday.
Everyone’s flipping out about swine flu. BEMCo protocols are insane (from what I have heard, I didn’t get to read them) and a friend of mine is in quarantine. Yeah, life’s good. Everything should be alright soon.
So, quick anecdote. When I’m sick, my strategy to get better is as follows. Drink water. Problem fixed? If not, take ibuprofen. Fixed? If not, sleep. Fixed? If not, worry slightly more, repeat, call Matt. Fixed? If not, health center, BEMCo if it’s an emergency, etc. Explained this thought process to Vince, who said that he wished everyone were as smart. Mariah felt happy, and proceeded to take more ibuprofen. So delicious.
I suppose it’s time for a year-end wrap-up entry. Looking back, things have changed. But things are amazing. It’s the little things, mostly. Personal benchmark happiness thing: being able to celebrate a six-month anniversary (is a huge deal for a girl who spent her last 6-month anniversary in counseling). Also, moving past a variety of unpleasant experiences, with some semblance of grace. EMS-related reflection: understanding the EMS community a little bit more. My therapist here talks about how BEMCo is almost a familial unit, and I’m starting to see how that works. Being a BEMCo-in-law has been interesting.
Made ridiculous amounts of new friends. Therapist asked what I would rate this year, 1-10. 9.5, I said. Everything is very awesome.
Thank you all who read this! There might be a “Matt’s working Commencement” post and in three weeks, there will be a “Hooray, I am in training!” post, followed the next week by an “Oh no, I’m working full time and training! What is sleep?” post. Stay tuned!
Everyone’s flipping out about swine flu. BEMCo protocols are insane (from what I have heard, I didn’t get to read them) and a friend of mine is in quarantine. Yeah, life’s good. Everything should be alright soon.
So, quick anecdote. When I’m sick, my strategy to get better is as follows. Drink water. Problem fixed? If not, take ibuprofen. Fixed? If not, sleep. Fixed? If not, worry slightly more, repeat, call Matt. Fixed? If not, health center, BEMCo if it’s an emergency, etc. Explained this thought process to Vince, who said that he wished everyone were as smart. Mariah felt happy, and proceeded to take more ibuprofen. So delicious.
I suppose it’s time for a year-end wrap-up entry. Looking back, things have changed. But things are amazing. It’s the little things, mostly. Personal benchmark happiness thing: being able to celebrate a six-month anniversary (is a huge deal for a girl who spent her last 6-month anniversary in counseling). Also, moving past a variety of unpleasant experiences, with some semblance of grace. EMS-related reflection: understanding the EMS community a little bit more. My therapist here talks about how BEMCo is almost a familial unit, and I’m starting to see how that works. Being a BEMCo-in-law has been interesting.
Made ridiculous amounts of new friends. Therapist asked what I would rate this year, 1-10. 9.5, I said. Everything is very awesome.
Thank you all who read this! There might be a “Matt’s working Commencement” post and in three weeks, there will be a “Hooray, I am in training!” post, followed the next week by an “Oh no, I’m working full time and training! What is sleep?” post. Stay tuned!
6 May, 2009. 12:46 PM.
Life is good, finals are over for me. Staying at Brandeis until Saturday.
Everyone’s flipping out about swine flu. BEMCo protocols are insane (from what I have heard, I didn’t get to read them) and a friend of mine is in quarantine. Yeah, life’s good. Everything should be alright soon.
So, quick anecdote. When I’m sick, my strategy to get better is as follows. Drink water. Problem fixed? If not, take ibuprofen. Fixed? If not, sleep. Fixed? If not, worry slightly more, repeat, call Matt. Fixed? If not, health center, BEMCo if it’s an emergency, etc. Explained this thought process to Vince, who said that he wished everyone were as smart. Mariah felt happy, and proceeded to take more ibuprofen. So delicious.
I suppose it’s time for a year-end wrap-up entry. Looking back, things have changed. But things are amazing. It’s the little things, mostly. Personal benchmark happiness thing: being able to celebrate a six-month anniversary (is a huge deal for a girl who spent her last 6-month anniversary in counseling). Also, moving past a variety of unpleasant experiences, with some semblance of grace. EMS-related reflection: understanding the EMS community a little bit more. My therapist here talks about how BEMCo is almost a familial unit, and I’m starting to see how that works. Being a BEMCo-in-law has been interesting.
Made ridiculous amounts of new friends. Therapist asked what I would rate this year, 1-10. 9.5, I said. Everything is very awesome.
Thank you all who read this! There might be a “Matt’s working Commencement” post and in three weeks, there will be a “Hooray, I am in training!” post, followed the next week by an “Oh no, I’m working full time and training! What is sleep?” post. Stay tuned!
Everyone’s flipping out about swine flu. BEMCo protocols are insane (from what I have heard, I didn’t get to read them) and a friend of mine is in quarantine. Yeah, life’s good. Everything should be alright soon.
So, quick anecdote. When I’m sick, my strategy to get better is as follows. Drink water. Problem fixed? If not, take ibuprofen. Fixed? If not, sleep. Fixed? If not, worry slightly more, repeat, call Matt. Fixed? If not, health center, BEMCo if it’s an emergency, etc. Explained this thought process to Vince, who said that he wished everyone were as smart. Mariah felt happy, and proceeded to take more ibuprofen. So delicious.
I suppose it’s time for a year-end wrap-up entry. Looking back, things have changed. But things are amazing. It’s the little things, mostly. Personal benchmark happiness thing: being able to celebrate a six-month anniversary (is a huge deal for a girl who spent her last 6-month anniversary in counseling). Also, moving past a variety of unpleasant experiences, with some semblance of grace. EMS-related reflection: understanding the EMS community a little bit more. My therapist here talks about how BEMCo is almost a familial unit, and I’m starting to see how that works. Being a BEMCo-in-law has been interesting.
Made ridiculous amounts of new friends. Therapist asked what I would rate this year, 1-10. 9.5, I said. Everything is very awesome.
Thank you all who read this! There might be a “Matt’s working Commencement” post and in three weeks, there will be a “Hooray, I am in training!” post, followed the next week by an “Oh no, I’m working full time and training! What is sleep?” post. Stay tuned!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
2 May, 2009. 11:15 AM.
Oh man, finals are evil. Have so much to do.
Got into a nice conversation with Vince yesterday about a variety of things. I thoroughly enjoy talking to him, and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to see him next year, since I think he’ll still be living around here. He’s a genuinely interesting person, and I like interesting people.
Kassie taught me how to take blood pressure yesterday, as well. It was not as difficult as I thought it would be, but it will take some practice before I feel comfortable doing it. I went over to see Matt after, and he had me practice on him, and pointed out the important fact that when you mess up, don’t say anything. The fact that I narrate much of my life out loud, especially when I’m under pressure, does not help with that.
“Oh, so that’s how it goes. Your cuff is different. Where do I put this? I’ll just rest it here. And…damn, missed the last number. Pump it up again and—okay, that seems right. How do I put this away?”
Got into a nice conversation with Vince yesterday about a variety of things. I thoroughly enjoy talking to him, and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to see him next year, since I think he’ll still be living around here. He’s a genuinely interesting person, and I like interesting people.
Kassie taught me how to take blood pressure yesterday, as well. It was not as difficult as I thought it would be, but it will take some practice before I feel comfortable doing it. I went over to see Matt after, and he had me practice on him, and pointed out the important fact that when you mess up, don’t say anything. The fact that I narrate much of my life out loud, especially when I’m under pressure, does not help with that.
“Oh, so that’s how it goes. Your cuff is different. Where do I put this? I’ll just rest it here. And…damn, missed the last number. Pump it up again and—okay, that seems right. How do I put this away?”
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