love letter

To the Brandeis community,

This is what happens when you call BEMCo.

When the pager goes off, I will most likely swear, sometimes rather loudly, since I’m probably being interrupted. I might be making dinner or watching a movie or trying to finish that lab report that is due tomorrow and why didn’t I start sooner? But I will turn on my radio, put on my shoes and jacket, and wait for someone to come get me to take me to you.

I will see you at your worst: sick, scared, drunk, unresponsive, covered in your own vomit, bleeding, alone, embarrassed—sometimes, just having a bad day. These things happen to everyone—everyone falls down or drinks too much or just doesn’t feel well sometimes. I will sit with you, hold your hand, and say just that. “Don’t apologize, you’ve done nothing wrong,” I find myself saying so much.

People often complain about how boring it is to be the secondary—on paper, our duty is to fill out the paperwork. Our job is to ask you, “Where do you live? What’s your social security number? Do you have Brandeis insurance?” It gets boring. We stand around, get things from the truck, get in the way. I’ve realized that this is the absolute bare minimum for what the secondary should do. The primary’s job is to direct medical care—and you will be well cared for in that respect, I assure you—and the tertiary’s is to take vitals. I’ve taken it upon myself to care for you. I want to make sure that even if you do not remember my name, remember my face, you will remember that you did not feel alone.

I will explain things to you in a way that you will understand. If you need to go, I will try to find your wallet, your phone, your shoes. No one likes being in the hospital without these things. Depending on what happened, I may ride with you to the hospital, or I may help take you down to the ambulance. Whatever happens, I will tell you what is happening every step of the way, and when we get there, I will say to you, “I hope that when we see each other again, it will be under better circumstances.” Or I may say to you as they load you into the ambulance, “Feel better—” and I will call you by your name. I do not want you to be just a call statistic number.

I will return to my life, and eventually, you will return to yours. Perhaps our paths will cross. Like middle schoolers who like each other, I cannot make the first move. So you may—I’ve been hugged, thanked, apologized to. I never expect it, so when it happens, it’s the highlight of my week. Just seeing you back on campus and healthy is reward enough—everything else is a bonus. I really cannot express this in words.

Or you may not remember me, which is what I generally expect. I’ll probably look at you a little longer than most when I scan the room, perhaps passing over twice—yes, it really is you. You’re back on campus, and seemingly doing well, and that will be satisfaction enough for me.

Forever yours,

Mariah

Quick Update

I know that I've been doing a terrible job of keeping up on this blog, and I promise I will post something substantive soon. But for now:

I love EMS even more now. I can feel that I'm getting better with patients. I don't feel awkward talking to them anymore. I feel like I actually know what I'm doing on scene. And I do. And it's awesome.

Mariah

Always a Student

Summer is in full swing (and has been for a while). I'm currently in my second semester of chemistry at a state college near my house, preparing for a lifetime in the medical field. I'm doing very well, and am very glad that I don't need to spend the 3 hours out of class for every hour in class that they suggested.

I'm working at BU once or twice a week, and I'm loving it. Honestly, the worst part is the commute. I find that many of the lead instructors are willing to let me lead as much as I'm comfortable, which is great. It's interesting to be on the teaching side of the table, so soon after being a student.

I also took a CPR instructor course--I have to teach two classes before I officially finish the course. It was interesting--the AHA has found that videoinstruction is the best way to teach CPR, so there wasn't a lot to learn in the course.

I'm also currently working my way through Kelly Grayson's "A Paramedic's Story: Life, Death, and Everything in Between." So far, I love it.

I'm in class now, so I should go pay attention to the lecture, but here's for the quick update on my life.

It's Been a While

Ah, summer. There's nothing to do here, but I'll be damned if I don't busy myself with something. Last summer: property office and EMT school. This time around: Chemistry, TAing EMT school, and actually seeing people. And the endless, fruitless, search for work.

Chemistry! I've decided to be a Physician Assistant. I don't want to do the full-out med school thing. I want to work closely with patients. I want to work--in the Navy? I keep surprising myself with these things. But I'm taking my prerequisites and checking off the boxes for applications. It's like being in high school again, except it's for real this time. Applying to and attending a masters program means making a choice about what I want to do. There's no "undecided" major in PA school.

TAing! Like at Brandeis, but with money. I love it. I led my group in CPR on Sunday, becuase I had a wonderful lead instructor who was willing to let me take charge. It felt really good--everything came together. Considering going for I/C at some point.

Seeing people! Last summer, I would work, school, sleep, repeat. I saw Matt every two weeks if I was lucky. I went for a walk with my best friend the other night, had a few bonfires with the hometown crew (accompanied by a lovely phone call to my parents from the police--but nothing happened), late night meanderings around town, seeing that nothing really changed.

Job search! Blurgh. Harassing HR people at a few places. Trying to find somewhere that will take me per diem that I can access form Brandeis. Without a car. Options are severely limited. Also, the fact that PA programs require EMT work to be "more than just patient transfer" means that what I can do as a basic in the Boston area might not count. Looking at places that will train me as a CNA while I work for them, but it feels like a step back. Making beds and wheeling patients around and monitoring bedpans--they're important tasks, I know, but I'm already trained for so much more. The fact that CNA work counts but patient transfer doesn't bothers me. I can't change the system though, so all I can do is roll with it.

So that's my life. Matt and I are coming up on our 1.75 year anniversary and yes I still count the months. When I look at my life as of two years ago and how it is now, I can't help but be happy when each month rolls around.

PA people! Military medical professionals! CNAs! I'd especially love to hear what you have to say about all this. Leave a comment, if you're so inclined!

EMS Week, Here and Everywhere.

So, as many of you know, last week was EMS week. A week for us to let others know what we do, and a week for others to thank the EMS providers for what they do. Also, a lot of facebook status-copying and blogging and tweeting among the community members.

This past week was also my own personal EMS week. I remained on campus for senior week as an on-duty EMT, rocking the 3 days on, 1 day off schedule. I learned that it's totally okay to shower while on duty, and that trying to move from one dorm to another without a car while carrying the jump kit is not a fun thing to do. There was a decent amount of drama in the corps over this week, and for once, it was all boys (men?) at the center of it.

I enjoyed spending the week with the other members of the corps, and shared a 6-person kitchenless suite with my supervisor. I got to spend time with senior class members that I might not see again, and spent a decent amount of time with Matt, who also graduated at the end of the week.

Commencement itself was the big deal for the week--we had 9 EMTs (1 supervisor, 2 provisional primaries, 5 secondaries, and 1 tertiary) scheduled to be at mini-commencements around campus at various times of the day, and then we were all scheduled to convene at the Convocation center for the Main Commencement. It was all planned very well, and looked to be going smoothly until one of the primaries wasn't able to be there. We ended up having two double-secondary crews with the supervisor floating around where needed. Not ideal, but certainly effective. The eight of us made things work.

The whole day was somewhat surreal--I was in a dress uniform that was too big for me, pants that had a glorious amount of pocket space, and had a radio (with an earpiece!) that made me feel way more important than I was. I got to see Paul Simon sing "The Boxer" and give a speech, and I got to see Matt graduate. It was a good thing I was so busy, otherwise I probably would have been a puddle of tears.

Matt's family saw me responding to a call, Matt had to explained the concept of "privileged patient information" to his brother when he started asking me a bunch of questions. Following the whole day, I went back to my room, showered and got into a nice dress, and we out to dinner with his family.

All in all, it was a great week. I responded to two calls in more than 7 days, so while it wasn't a huge experience week, I got to know my fellow corps members better, and had a fun time doing so (awww). I applaud all involved with the commencement detail, and especially our operations officer, Dan. In spite of all of the last-minute problems and radio failures, he made it work.

Happy week after EMS week, everyone!

Saving Lives?

There’s a girl on campus who often asks me if we’ve “saved any lives today” or if I’m “heading off to save lives” when I’m going to shift change. I’ve heard this a few times, but every time she says something, I’m not sure how to respond. Usually she gets “not yet” for an answer, but sometime, when we both have a minute, I’ve got some serious discussing to do.

Truth be told, we don’t save lives all that often. There are a few things we do/use that will immediately do some serious life-saving: any of our drugs, suctioning and maintaining an airway. And, somebody please correct me if I’m wrong, but we don’t do a lot of any of these here at Brandeis. Generally, we make things easier for someone who’s in a not-so-pleasant situation. If you ask me if I’ve ever saved someone’s life, I’ll tell you, “No.” Sometimes we make the call for help if someone’s in need of ‘saving,’ people with more training and more equipment, but that’s a call anyone could make.

I can’t fault her for asking—I do, however, feel like I can fault myself, her other EMT friends, the media’s portrayal of the profession, and the fact that people who speak up against that only do so within the EMS community. When people ask, why not ask, “What does ‘saving a life’ mean to you?” Explain what we do, what we can do, what we can’t, what we have done, and what we’re trained to do but very well might never have the chance to do. If you have a problem with how we’re depicted in Trauma*, or even in Emergency!, don’t just blog about it to those of us that share the sentiment; talk it up with other people.

It’s strange to think that on the same campus as people who call for Tylenol or for cotton stuck in the ear, there are people who think we can do anything. There’s got to be a middle of the road somewhere.


*I watched Trauma, all 18 episodes of it. I enjoyed it. I knew it wasn't accurate. It was good for a laugh and some decent TV dramatics, more MCIs than you can count on one hand, and one highly improbable result of a helicopter crash.

Surprise surprise!

I expected to be the tertiary today, but when the secondary failed to show up and the one who had been on duty needed to leave, I signed in for her. The tertiary is now on his second shift in a row, and I'm taking my first secondary shift! The bag's not that different, just slightly harder to carry, but lighter, somehow. Meetings and class tonight, more updates to come if anything happens.

Well, this is a first for many things. My first secondary call (I really like this whole "chat with the patient, get their info" thing) (also, I may have had it recorded with me as the tertiary, no big deal, but I did write up the call since I stole the shift from another dude). But, more interestingly, this was the first time I've had a really appreciative patient. Not that it's ever what I expect, but when the pt just seems so thankful for the little things, it's nice.