Start Here.

This blog was only supposed to tell a simple story. I had a few nights that fit together well that I wanted to write about, so I wrote down a few entries and worked on a little blurb to tie them all together. And then one entry led to another, and another, and I ended up with a folder filled with experiences and stories and people. It’s been two months and I’m still finding new things to write about (at least, I hope I am. They always feel new to me).

A quick note about how I got into this: I spent my time around EMS. My boyfriend, Matt, is a Mass. EMT-B and a member of Brandeis Emergency Medical Corps (BEMCo). My roommate, Dina, is currently training as an EMT-B. I’m taking a class this semester with Vince, a medic on BEMCo. A girl on my hall, the girlfriend of a friend—the list goes on. Sure, it’s not out of the ordinary. So why do I feel the need to write about all this?

Judith Butler wrote in “Undoing Gender” that we as humans are “undone by each other.” I didn’t understand what she meant until I found myself walking home from the Village at nine in the morning, counting down the hours until Matt’s shift ended. I thought back over the past few months and the past twenty-four hours in particular. I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t changed—that I haven’t been changed, more importantly.

A year ago, I never would have imagined that I would end up walking back and forth between the Village and Massell, whispering prayers to God as well as the “trauma gods” that I hear Matt cursing at before he leaves for a call. I never would have foreseen myself jumping at the sound of a text message alert or a microwave going off somewhere on the floor. I can’t even make toast at home without my heart racing. I never would have imagined looking to the window at the sound of a siren and looking to see which ambulance it is.

This introductory entry has been sitting in my hard drive for months, with things being added and taken away and I’m finally saying, “Here it is.” It’s not perfect, but nothing in here is perfect. Most things are just a stream of consciousness, written at two in the morning or nine at night. Sometimes I come off as a girl complaining that she’s alone at some hour of the day—that’s not my intent. I’m trying to tell a story—I wouldn’t have my life any other way.

Feel free to post comments or ask me questions. Say hello. Thank you.

A word about updates: I have about twenty entries that need to be posted, and there will undoubtedly be more to come. Until I am through posting old entries, this will update daily. After that, it will update whenever I have something to say.